I lay here, warm and snuggly under my favorite blanket relaxing on the couch, and I don’t want to move. I’m comfortable and I am losing the battle with my heavy eyelids. I have Bible study tonight, and despite the fact I know I need to go (and the full face of makeup I just put on) I’d much rather just lay here and sleep. Youngest is going to nana and poppa’s for the night, husband has a late night at school, dinner is already made and the older kids have homework and chores that will keep them busy, so sleep would be easy if I stayed home. Besides, I’m pretty sure I’m finally getting sick after weeks of taking care of sick kids. Yes, these all sound like excellent reasons to stay home. But, are they really? Or are they just convenient excuses to keep me from discussing a topic that will leave me the odd one out? If you haven’t been here before, I’m currently doing a Bible study called Restless. It’s about finding yourself in the plans God’s has for you. Each week we focus on a different topic and this week’s topic is, “People.” I suppose that really doesn’t sound like a scary topic to most of you, or a topic that would leave you feeling like the kid hiding in the corner at a school dance. I can discuss so many things with others and not feel out of place or embarrassed, from parenting to sexuality, and beyond. But people? As in people who are your friends, people who need you and that you need. I’m willing to admit, I’m lacking in that department, outside my family I can think of one person and she lives in a different country! I have more meaningful conversations on my blog than I do with an actual person, face to face. So, I’ll go to Bible study tonight and all the ladies will talk about how important people are to them and I’ll sit there, listening, without much to say, because, outside of the people I mentioned, the ladies in that room are the closest thing I have to friends. Other than talks when my husband or phone calls to my bestie or grandma, I could go weeks without adult conversation, and normally even when I do get it, it’s a five minute catch up at church or a hanging out at the grocery store. I’m quite sure this isn’t healthy (although I’m sure I’m not the only stay at home mom who feels like all they get is kid talks) and I know I need to make some friend that I can actually spend physical time with. I’m willing to bet it would do wonders for my sanity, but, the whole process just seems so time consuming and if I’m being honest, scary. Just finding someone that you feel connected to is hard enough, then you have to build on that connection and then there’s a chance it just won’t work. I’ve tried to make friends, but it seems like more often and not, they just fade away. In church we learned you have to give as much as you want back, which I always try to do, but I normally end up with friends who are more apt to take rather than give. Regardless of my insecurities, I know that God has called us to befriend our brothers and sisters in Him and I really do need to make more of an effort. We weren’t meant to take this journey alone. So, moral of this post is, well, I don’t know, hopefully I’ll learn one in study tonight. Til then, I’ll be pondering why it’s easier to make friends online than in real life. I suppose it’s similar to how much easier it is to parent online than in your real life.

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