Hi. You don’t know me. I know our kids go to the same school and we’ve said hi to each other when we’re waiting for their release. You’ve saw my youngest come along with me, and you’ve even commented on how cute it is that he’s so excited to pick up his sister. But, none of those things mean you know me. You don’t know how old my kids are or that I have a teenager too. You don’t know that I’m married or that my husband works hard to enable me to be a stay-at-home-mom. And to be fair, since you don’t know those things, then you’d really have no idea that I won’t be having anymore babies, though I want to. You wouldn’t know that lately I’ve been struggling with weight gain. You wouldn’t know that I gain weight like a man, only adding to my gut while the rest of me stays slim. You wouldn’t have known that last night I was looking at myself in the mirror wondering if I was bloated because I’m starting my period soon or that instead for some reason I’ve gained enough fat around my middle in the last two weeks to make me look four months pregnant. You wouldn’t know that I struggle with dieting, that my love for food is greater than my willpower to only eat what is good for me. Or that I have a gym membership but I never go because I feel stupid when I look at all those machines and realize I have no idea what I’m doing. And that even if I did, I’d still feel like I was the only woman there working out alone because I don’t have any friends. How could you know any of that when you don’t even know my name?

But despite all those things you don’t know about me, you’re a woman, a mom, a human being, so you should know that weight can be a sensitive subject. You should know that it’s not acceptable to ask another woman if she’s expecting, when she’s due or what she’s having, especially if you don’t know her. Really, it’s not acceptable even if you do know her, unless of’course you know she’s pregnant. Asking another woman when she’s due without knowing she’s pregnant is like asking a woman who didn’t fix her hair and put on makeup if she’s sick. It’s rude, it’s thoughtless and it’s worse because it came from another woman, someone who should know better.

Next time you see someone who looks like she might be pregnant, if you must say more than hi, just tell her she looks great. Chances are if she’s pregnant, she’ll tell you, then and only then would it be appropriate to ask her when she’s due. If she’s not pregnant, and like me has been struggling with weight gain, you’ll have made her day.

Sincerely,
The NOT Pregnant Mom from Your Kids School

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