These past few days have been hard. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me, but I can’t seem to get out of this funk.

My daughter had a sleepover on Friday and it was quite an experience, one I’ll blog about soon. I didn’t get much sleep that night, yet, I felt fine on Saturday. Spent a day with my parents and the youngest two, had a good talk with my husband and my best friend. I went to bed feeling tired, but happy.

I woke up Sunday, tired but functioning, spent the day cleaning, shopping and preparing our meals for the week (a new meal prep diet we’ve started).

By Sunday night I was exhausted, I laid in bed with my toddler between my husband and me, pulling my hair and tickling me and somehow managed to fall asleep despite his attempts to keep me awake.

Even though I got better sleep than I normally do, I woke up extremely tired Monday morning. I drive my kids to school, came home and slept a few more hours. I awoke and found I was restless and didn’t want to be I the house. Like it really irritated me to spend any amount of time inside. I’d only been awake a few hours when I started the 45 minute drive to pick my niece up at school, as I began to drive I find myself so tired I had to stop and get a Coke to chug so I didn’t fall asleep driving. That evening I took my kids to the park, then the youngest two and I went to a friends house, still sleepy, but in a good mood, I realized while taking to my friend as the kids played, that I had completely forgotten to go to Bible study, just another thing to add to my list of forgetfulness I’ve been quickly lengthening lately.

Last night, my toddler slept in his own bed and I passed out shortly after he did and once again had a good night’s sleep, we even slept in. However, all day today I’ve felt tired, energetic and really moody. My temper is short and I become agitated very easily… I feel like I’m PMSing, but my cycle just ended a couple weeks ago.

I lay here typing this, feeling as I should go to sleep, but I’m restless and irritated, leaving me thinking (and blogging) instead of sleeping.

I know I should seek treatment, but even beyond the fears I mentioned, there are more. I have lives destroyed by meds, I am scared they will tell me that I need meds and I fear that because of the impact such treatment has had on those close to me.

Yet, at the same time, I wonder how much of this, if any, is related to my birth control method. Every night I plan to make an appointment to get it removed, yet my day gets overran with life and I don’t make the call. Or I do, then I get angry when they tell me the soonest appointment is over a month away. Last time that happened, I told them it was causing me to be depressed and moody, to which they replied, in more pc terms, “are your suicidal?” Which prompted me to say, “nevermind, I’m fine, I’ll call back once I check my schedule.”

Problem is, I want to know what’s wrong with me about as much as I don’t…

Advertisements